Me in the course of leadership..........

It has been a unique experience. Now I am feeling that I can lead on my Ideas. All this began 16 months ago when I joined fellowship. Initially I had quite different perspective of leadership. In the fellowship I have learnt the real meaning of the leadership which is “Be the Change”

All this had begun when I was for Learning Quality induction. I was with new challenge and of course a big challenge. To conduct a classroom session I had to Plan, and then had to act on that plan. Reflection was an important activity which brought improvement in plan with time. After 6 week of LQ, plan act and reflect had become my habit up to some extent. Interaction with children and designing learning session for them developed a level of empathy. I was now much more empathetic. Village immersion brought me out of comfort zone and improved the ability of aggregating resources. At this time I preferred to take risks in my normal processes. I was communicating according to the needs and according to the different persons.

When Academic support program started I had 1 major obstacle how to convince or how to communicate? As ASP proceeded I gained strength in convincing ability. Now I had been doing plan act and reflect process in rigorous way. Different exposes with time built a perspective on education, and other social issues. Now I am a person who believes in self change and who can communicate according to need and situation. Now I am planning and reflecting for each process. I try to think critically on each issue through different dimensions. Now I can build much better team than previous. After all i am feeling like I am leading my self and soon will lead to you. 

Uttarakhand: As a tourist

When we reached the Haridwar, I felt that we were in a different land. The holy land or Devbhumi. The sound of the Ganges water was filling sweetness in my ears. The sound became much sweeter as we entered the Hrishikesh.

After Hrishikesh we had entered in sandy Shivalik Mountains. The bends of the roads were swinging me inside the Taxi. I was synchronising myself too with those swings. At some locations I felt diginess. But the beauty and curiosity never ended. Even I compared the Journey of mountains with the journey of love. Both are difficult but have enjoyment and pleasure.

We were following the Ganga  and after the journey of 4 hours we reached Devprayag. The sacred place, where Bhagirathi and Alaknanda meets. From here we ran with alaknada. The still and sandy water of Alaknanda  was showing that river  is not a young. We reached Rudraprag after the Journey of 6 hour. This is the place where Mandakini meets Alaknanda. We reached Guptakashi in night. Next day we were running in Guptakashi Valley. Very beautiful. The snow capped hills at far distance were adding more beauty. After travelling for 1 hour from Guptkashi we reached Ukhimath and then Parkhandi village and met to the sweet people. The life at this location is very hard. You have to be strong to survive there.

In the evening we were in the famous temple of Ukhimath which is knows as winter kedarnath. The Doli of the Kedarnath had  gone one day earlier we reached there.

In the new morning we left the Guptkashi Valley and entered in Chandan Ganga valley. We saw the local sericulture centres on the way, met to farmers and reached at Agstmuni before mid day. There we had taken lunch. For some time we played near Mandakini. We played there for half hour. In the evening we were resting in a under construction resort. It was difficult to predict that we were on the side of Mndakini or over the Mandakini. We passed whole evening in resting over the stones in river. We were in heaven. Very beautiful, really very beautiful. I was dying of that. We slept earlier because we were tired.

Next day we found ourselves in Chpada village 12 km from Rudraprayag. The people of village were very cute. The confidence and friendliness of those people was amazing. The natural beauty of village appeared in evening. We tracked a lot. We were there to Visit the field work done by Navdhanya. We stayed there for one night. We slept early because next day we would have to leave for main Campus of Navdhanya in Dehradun.

The life in Navdhanya campus was easy and better. We stayed there for one complete day. The campus was filled with peace. We recharged our batteries after long tiring journey.  I was feeling as my village. Numerous mango trees were reminding me of real India.

In the  afternoon we were talking to Anil Prakash Joshi at HESCO. He is known as mountain man and had been awarded by Padmashree by Government of India for hi work.  A beautiful natural place. The Cintan Kaksha of Joshi ji was amazing symbol of natural cooling. After that we were in retreating mode and reached Ahmadabad after 8 days. Amazing trip. Really amaging.

Personal Reflection

Astonishing year comes to an end. All this had begun with some excitement. Feelings were like my brain was full. I needed to enlarge my capacity. Some storms were in my brain. Storm of the new thoughts. Storm of the irritation. Storm of the hunger. After joining the fellowship it had been intensive year for me.

Now I was in much needed situation for some change.

I needed time to think about me. Time to think about me??????  I had been thinking about me but there was no junction. I did not manage my evaluation.  Evaluation of my emotions, belief and attitude. 

My journey for this month started little bit earlier. I was running in the train to Mumbai with Kausiki in super hot conditions. I managed valuable moments in Mumbai ASP consolidation exhibition. I was thinking about the whole exhibition during my returning journey. Millions of thoughts running in the brain and were constructing thousands of belief.

I reached in Ahmadabad in the early morning of May 1st and within 1 hour I was in the ground for frisbee. 

I was drowning in the ocean of curiosity. Curiosity for something new. Curiosity for my thoughts, obviously because next day personal reflection had to begun.

No special feelings. I was neutral. Why not? I haven’t needed any one to solve my problems. I had full belief on my self. My truth was only for me. Usually I do not need any interference in my life. I have seen so many lives till now. I had met to numerous peoples but never tried to know their lives. I never tried to know the inner movement in my colleagues. Even I never needed that.

After the entering in this world I always loved my freedom. Freedom for constructiveness.  My interest have been largely random. My life have been a symbol of randomness of interest revolving around my values.  However my nature has been benevolent but, very less I tried for my own good.  I never tried to evaluate the benefits from my altruist behaviour. Even I was  confused about the theory of altruism.

But now I was in a stage where I wanted to share my sadness and irritation to someone who could listen that without judgementality. At one stage I thought to go to Himalaya for peace.

The personal reflection was an activity of relating and expressing my self in front of mirror. During PR I listened  the background sharing of each individual for their current status. Surprisingly, I found that I too suffered the same situation during some part of my life. First time I was able in empathize myself to others.

Dipanjana shared her confusion about private dream, Arpita shared the problem related with team, Sumedha shared the problem related with relation in team, Polumee shared the he puzzling status of interpersonal relations, Robin had a question about his understating for peoples, Saransh opened himself with truth of life, Sheetal had a problem related with her skill deterioration during fellowship, Mayuri shared the problem for her relation with here brother.  All above sharing placed myself in a diverse world and the more analysis proved that  the entire diverse world was inside me too. I found the difficulties and complexities.

It was me who had a problem of the numerous random thoughts. Till then i had been a laconic speaker. But then I did speak in a flow, because it was my problem. Yes, my real problem. The numerous and continuous random thoughts had been irritating me. I am really thanked full to Jaya and all my colleagues who had listen up my problem and tried to put on possible solution. They empathized with me. All this happened first time with me. First time I shared my life with persons who had not been my friend for long. First time I thought about my life so seriously. First time I felt that my life is putting my motivation at dip.

At the end situation was little bit different. I was feeling light. The pressure bar was at low reading on my heart. Lot of weight was removed from my brain. My trust on my values and belief got strength. After all I was little bit more relax.......

Vipassana

“Yah bharat ki bahut purani vidya bharat se hi lupt ho gayi thi”

Really I hadn’t listened any thing about Vipassana except the word Vipassana. Yeah! there were few rumours had hit my ears during last month. All that created in me a disinterest about Vipassana. It was only my curiosity which was propelling me for it. I was in fear bcz of the absence of dinner in the time table of the center.

 I was in the bus to Rajkot. I was in full mood to enjoy that precious time of journey bcz  I had already assumed the journey for the next few day, and I knew that the days would going to be intolerable.

 As I entered into the centre, the warm weather filled me with fear.  I was in campus of 1 acre. I was without food, without money, without books, and without phone. I was thinking of running away from there on the 2^nd or 3rd day.

From the very first day, I was feeling tortured. Boring, boring. My fear had improved. I was afraid of 10 days stay.  The whole first day passed in the struggle with my breath. On many occasions my brain diverted towards the sex. Sex related thoughts were running in my brain all the day. Follow up of code of conducts was impossible for me. My determination was proved to be failed. In this way the days were passing one by one. I was feeling frustrated with each new day. Meditation was not the work of my left hand. I struggled in paying attention. I was not able in maintain my concentration. From the later part of the third day things were in my control.

The hard work of 4^th and 5^th day had broken me again. I was prepared to run away. I concluded that Vipassana is not for Virgin people, Vipassana is for those who had enjoyed there life. I was not able in controlling my self. But since 6^th day at meditation my struggle started with random thoughts. I was planning my rest life at fellowship. I was planning my life after fellowship. On the 8^th day I started to observe the changes brought by meditation inside me.

When the camp ended on 10^th day, i was feeling like I got freedom from a prison. All of us talked to each other and shared some interesting and funny movements.

Now let me think about the other side. During Vipassana I experienced the reasons for all mental disorders in the form of different senses at experiential level. The vipasana had changed my belief completely. Really there was no flaw. The first thing which impressed me was that the truth always comes through experiences rather than any other form. Other learning was to reach up to my goal i must need to travel the whole path, no one else will move me to my goal. Others only can facilitate me.  My truth is mine and can’t be same as someone's else truth. The whole process of the reaching up to the happiness was special. I had to control my conscious brain and intention to be happy. I had to maintain the equanimity on my senses, because the feeling of pleasure and hatered towards our senses is the main reason for the our life filled with sadness. We need to remove the all beliefs of pleasure and reaction from our body.

“The justice of our deed is judged by our intention.”

After the Vippasana I returned with improved confidence and motivation. I was feeling change in my behaviour.

                                                                                                    

Reflection,

Just few minutes ago, I was wandering in my room. I went to the lawn and then again returned back. I was mad? No, no. In reality my brain was storming with lots of memories, analysis and speculations. I was trying to develop an image from the pieces of image. Most of them were looking blurred but became clear when i lined them to other images. Really a block puzzle. I was in process of solving the puzzle. This puzzle was not any ordinary one but this puzzle has image blocks of last 1 year's thoughts. Yeah! thoughts too creates some images and we can develop beautiful image by organizing them. this whole process includes polishing finishing analysis and finally evolution of new thoughts. The outcome of the thoughts which changes our belief and at last attitude. This is a process which is really common and all of us suffers many time. This process changes us. This is the process which divides the line of failure and success. this is the process which forms new theories and new culture. Don't be confused i am talking about the process known as Reflection.

Reflection is really madness. We can reflect on any issue any thing and any situation. Me too had been reflecting for last 1 hour. I was remembering the sweetest moments passed during last year. I was trying to find the influence of those moments on my attitude. And i found a great change for habituation.....