“Yah bharat ki bahut purani vidya bharat se hi lupt ho gayi thi”
Really I hadn’t listened any thing about Vipassana except the word Vipassana. Yeah! there were few rumours had hit my ears during last month. All that created in me a disinterest about Vipassana. It was only my curiosity which was propelling me for it. I was in fear bcz of the absence of dinner in the time table of the center.
I was in the bus to Rajkot. I was in full mood to enjoy that precious time of journey bcz I had already assumed the journey for the next few day, and I knew that the days would going to be intolerable.
As I entered into the centre, the warm weather filled me with fear. I was in campus of 1 acre. I was without food, without money, without books, and without phone. I was thinking of running away from there on the 2nd or 3rd day.
From the very first day, I was feeling tortured. Boring, boring. My fear had improved. I was afraid of 10 days stay. The whole first day passed in the struggle with my breath. On many occasions my brain diverted towards the sex. Sex related thoughts were running in my brain all the day. Follow up of code of conducts was impossible for me. My determination was proved to be failed. In this way the days were passing one by one. I was feeling frustrated with each new day. Meditation was not the work of my left hand. I struggled in paying attention. I was not able in maintain my concentration. From the later part of the third day things were in my control.
The hard work of 4th and 5th day had broken me again. I was prepared to run away. I concluded that Vipassana is not for Virgin people, Vipassana is for those who had enjoyed there life. I was not able in controlling my self. But since 6th day at meditation my struggle started with random thoughts. I was planning my rest life at fellowship. I was planning my life after fellowship. On the 8th day I started to observe the changes brought by meditation inside me.
When the camp ended on 10th day, i was feeling like I got freedom from a prison. All of us talked to each other and shared some interesting and funny movements.
Now let me think about the other side. During Vipassana I experienced the reasons for all mental disorders in the form of different senses at experiential level. The vipasana had changed my belief completely. Really there was no flaw. The first thing which impressed me was that the truth always comes through experiences rather than any other form. Other learning was to reach up to my goal i must need to travel the whole path, no one else will move me to my goal. Others only can facilitate me. My truth is mine and can’t be same as someone's else truth. The whole process of the reaching up to the happiness was special. I had to control my conscious brain and intention to be happy. I had to maintain the equanimity on my senses, because the feeling of pleasure and hatered towards our senses is the main reason for the our life filled with sadness. We need to remove the all beliefs of pleasure and reaction from our body.
“The justice of our deed is judged by our intention.”
After the Vippasana I returned with improved confidence and motivation. I was feeling change in my behaviour.
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